Kill Em' Kindness: How Teaching Empathy Curves the Bullying Epidemic

I've been watching quite a few videos on empathy. America seems to be dealing with a huge bullying problem. From our classrooms all the way to Wall Street, people are being pushed around. I've been "researching" if you will, ways to address this bully phenomenon, from attending the National Conference on School Safety and Discipline which might I add, had an abundance of policy makers in attendance and very few teachers...the people closest to the children. They were actually shocked that I (a teacher) had been invited..that's a problem, but I digress. Anyway, it seems that when we focus on attacking this issue, we are being more reactive than proactive. We teach students in school how to react to bullying: tell a teacher, do not fight or argue, tell a parent, etc...There are very few schools who approach this problem by addressing the lack of empathy in the first place. I mean, peer mediation helps with problem solving and addresses empathy to some extent, but only after someone has already been offended. Below is a video about how a school used a baby to "teach" 5 year olds empathy. 

http://video.pbs.org/

Ever notice how bigger kids interact with younger kids? I've seen my 4 year old niece protect, support, and even teach my 2 year old nephew. Her empathy barometer is on level 10 with him. Even I tend to be more empathetic when I'm dealing with my students or other children. Having to help someone who is more vulnerable or dependent on you increases your ability to empathize.  

Now the next video addresses extending this empathic spirit throughout your life. Understanding how empathy and sympathy differs. To truly empathize, you must feel the pain and the woes of the person you are helping NOT pity them. By pitying them, you have disassociated yourself from their experience. A lot of us do it, thinking, that could never happen to me. Here this video shows us how introspection can be significant to our personal growth, but outrospection is key to building our ability to empathize. It's not very hard. As humans, we're hardwired to want to "belong," already, but in these great civilizations, we've taught ourselves to separate and form "cliques." Don't get me wrong, these small communities do create quite tight unified bonds; however, it also creates outcasts and ostracizes. You can see it in religious affiliations, political parties, ethic groups, gender, and even age groups. Sure, people like you can understand you better, but we often cut off, those who are not "like" us. At the end of the day, we're all human. There has to be a balance.   

Poor Students Go Unnoticed by Some Elite Universities

As an AVID (Advancement Via Individual Determination) coordinator and teacher it is my job to prepare my students to be "college bound" Well, while I was trying to put together several college tours for my students I ran into a bunch of issues that don't align with American's vision of this college readiness...

-Several of the universities refused to give a tour to middle school students

-Several would only take a group of 15 or less

I'm sorry are they not in the business of recruiting? What happened to the earlier the better?

Anyway, there's that, and then I came across this video:

Poor Students Go Unnoticed by Some Elite Universities

I wonder if there are many more reasons why poor students don't attend elite universities.

Are they exposed to these options early on? I tried sending my students to a diverse array of universities and was either turned down by these universities because of the age group or have been told by other faculty members that "our kids probably won't go to a school like that."I have a teacher friend who showed her 1st grade EIP class colleges online and her colleagues laughed at her saying, "Not this group." Expectations play a key role.

Where are these schools often located? Princeton, NJ; Cambridge, MA; New Haven, CT...if you already come from an urban area how boring do these places sound? (j/k) But think about it, you're already being moved out of your comfort zone and far away from anything familiar, not to mention the fact that most college graduates end up staying in the city where their undergraduate school is located in, why would you go? What recruitment efforts are being put in place to make these places more attractive beyond the academic status quo?

Also, when it comes to coming from a poor family, what can be done to help the student AND the family. I had many a friend in college, working to pay their tuition and supporting family back home at the same time. This is easier to do in large urban areas, and of course near their previous residence, hence why kids usually attend college in their home states.

Lastly, influence is the greatest factor in the selection a student makes in the college they choose. It's not that poor people don't attend these elite institutions, it's that they don't come back. Perhaps if students knew individuals living in their community who may attended these schools they might be more likely to apply.

Fates Shackled to a Scantron

A hush comes over the entire building as the students sit in their janitorial rows. Harsh fluorescent lights cast an ominous glow of fear and nervousness over their quiet, innocent faces. The room looks like a prison cell since the brightly colored posters that once made the room look more cozy, were snatched down and now the children are bound to their desks. No there are no smiles, no happy sounds of children’s laugher—only solemn faces fixed with anxiety as if they have met their fates. And all I can do is look on. I have the urge to reach out and comfort them, but I’m not permitted to. Our fates are actually tied together on this day—a year’s work thrust upon them in one hour as they take the state standardized test.

The Battle at Kruger: Community Comes to the Rescue

While reading, the founder of the Children's Defense Fund Marian Wright Edelman's,  The Sea is So Wide and My Boat is So Small, she wrote about this Ytube video. She used this video to illustrate just how important the entire community is to a child's life. Had only the mother attempted to protect her calf, it wouldn't have survived. It took the entire community of water buffalo to save this calf. In a world where there are plenty of the lions and the alligators in the world preying on our children, what role do you play in protecting them? If we all surrounded our children with love and protection, how many children can we save?  

It takes the ENTIRE community. We are ALL responsible for the children in our community--not just the parents and the teachers. What role are you playing in the children in your community's lives?

Teach a (wo)man to fish...

Oftentimes we assume that people without resources can't learn or have too many obstacles standing in their way to find success and happiness. Below is truly a story of teaching "a man how to fish." How often do we as teachers and parents control the learning environment instead of facilitating it? This really is a matter of trust. Do you trust your children/students to accomplish the task you set forth without your constant help? They will have to eventually.  we perhaps too impatient when it comes to our expectations of not what they learn but when? Ask yourselves this as teachers and parents. I certainly have and sometimes I didn't like my answer. Sometimes you feel pressured by administrators, pacing guides, other parents, heck even society to get your child/student "there" where ever there is in a short amount of time. Everyone learns at his/her own pace. Instead of pressuring them to retain the lesson, instill the value of it. Why should they learn this? Of what significance to their lives is this lesson? If you teach that, the learner will be more motivated to step up to the challenge. Watch the video below and see how a group of impoverished mothers went from not knowing how to read or write to becoming solar engineers in 6 months! The work that they trained for, helped them sustain their villages and empower other women. We are always trying to swoop in and save people when they are very well capable of saving themselves. If we don't TEACH people and we do the learning for them, what will they do when we leave?

Solar Mamas